Oh heck! What have I decided to do?? Oh well here goes..............
If you are reading this, then you probably already know me, or at least know something about me. If not....what are you doing here???
I was born on 23rd January 1973, yes i know that was a long time ago! That makes me 37 now. I lived at home with my mum, dad, sister and brother and my oldest sister would visit. In December 1974 my mum lost her battle with breast cancer and that left my dad to bring me and my siblings up. As a child i usually got whatever i wanted, was i spoilt, oh yes! Did i have the latest games and gizmo's of the time, no. Was i treated to sweets and biscuits whenever i wanted them, yes! And there begins my battle............
Even as a small child i was big. We've all heard it 'it's puppy fat, she'll grow out of it'. Well i didn't. At the age of 7 it was decided that i needed to be put on a diet. I was admitted to a local hospital and i stayed there for 7 weeks. Dad visited me most days and i was allowed home on the odd weekend. I loved being in there, it was great, i had a constant stream of new friends, i helped the nurses ( i can do perfect hospital corners on bed sheets). I was limited to 500 calories a day. Did i lose weight, of course i did. Did i manage to keep it off, not a chance!! This was the start of medical intervention with my weight and diet. I had a social worker visit me at home just to weigh me once a week. My school meals were changed so that i tucked into salad and fruit while all the other kids had jam roly poly and custard. At 11 i was admitted to hospital with bad headaches. They found out that i had a large fluid build up in my spine and treated me with Lumbar Punctures, 7 in total. But whilst i was in hospital it was decided, again, to look at my weight. By the age of 11 i was 11 stone.
I enjoyed being at school, had the usual taunts from some of the kids, but i just didn't let it bother me. Yes i wanted to wear the clothes that were in fashion, but truth be told dad couldn't afford to buy me them so i made do. My older brother and sister left home when i was around the age of 6, so it was just me and dad. My sister would come round now and again and bring me clothes to wear. Old fashion mumsy dresses that a 40 yr old wouldn't be seen in and i was wearing them at the age of 10/12.
I had one more visit to hospital at the age of 14. 4 weeks this time, again on a diet. This time i was allowed to do Jan Fonda excersises with the nurses, had cooking lessons in occupation health, helped around the ward and once again thoroughly enjoyed my time in hospital. Did i lose weight, yes. Did i keep it off, no!
I stayed on at school to do A'levels. I met my first husband when i was 17. I had my daughter at 19, married at 21. By 26 i had got my 3 kids a nice house and a husband and was touching 23 stone. I tried Slimming World with a friend, we did great but would treat ourselves to a cream cake for all our hard effort. In 2000 i decided to eat less and be more active. I started swimming and loved it. I was going 3 times a week. I was eating healthily and lost 4 1/2 stone in about 18 months. I left my first husband in 2001 (long story but should have done it years earlier). I met Mark my husband in February 2002. On our first date i know i weighed 18 stone 3lb. I was pleased with myself, i hadn't been that weight since i was at school. Mark and i married in March 2006. The wedding dress i wore i ordered from the states. I couldn't find one big enough in the uk. By now i had put most of what i had lost back on, sounds familiar. Back to my dress. It fitted in places, bit big on the top, bit tight around the middle, i daren't sit down in it! It had to do though, i wouldn't find anything else, so i had the top taken in and bits added to the middle so i could sit down.
The year before we married i had been to my gp to ask for help, yes me asking for help! A friend of mine had had a gastric bypass and had lost a phenominal amount of weight. My gp said bluntly there was no way the nhs would help, i wasn't big enough. Not big enough!!! My god what size did i have to get to? I was offered tablets to help, so started to take Reductil. Big mistake, awful things. Strange dreams, could barely concentrate on anything and felt sooo depressed. I gave those up! There was a series on the tv about Gastric surgery and particularly gastric bands. The more i watched it the more i thought that this is what i had to have. A gastric band is fitted around the top of the stomach to restrict how much food you can eat and to a point what types of food you can eat. It can be tightened up by adding fluid through a small port, or loosened if needed. Fantastic, when can i have one? How much??? £7,500..............hmmmm i'll think about it.
My mind was made up for me when i was waiting in a car park for mark to come back from somewhere. I was stood near the doors when a woman in her 40's and her 2 teenage children walked past me. The woman looked at me, said something to her kids, who in turn looked back at me and started laughing. I was so ashamed, embarrassed. What must i look like to other people. I know people snigger about me when i walk past them, look at me and nudge their friends. I can hear them 'look at the size of that', most of the time i can ignore it. It hurts but forget about it. This time i couldn't. Once we got home i was so upset and told mark about the Band operation. He was against it, but after a few hours of hearing how i have to live he backed down.
19th August 2006 i had a band fitted. I cried all the way down to theatre, how could i have let myself get to this stage. I was too ashamed to tell anyone what i was having done. mark knew and 3 very close friends, no-one else, not even my kids. This was the miracle i needed......... boy was i wrong!
I managed to lose 2 stone with the band............. in 4 years. What a waste of time and money. I ended up with constant heartburn and acid. Problems with my stomach caused by the band and constant trips to have it altered. I thought i had done my research!!
The turning point came in 2007 when i needed surgery on a ovarian cyst. My Dr operated on me, i woke up only to find the cyst was still there. It was badly attached to my bowel and because of my weight he couldn't get to it, my lungs didn't like it. He had contacts within the hospital and would try and get me seen by another Dr in the Obesity clinic (oh how i hate that word). I got an appointment and saw a very nice american dr who informed me that the band wasn't working, i should never of had a band as i wasn't a suitable candidate for one in the first place and that i would benefit from having it removed and replaced with a sleeve. A sleeve? What's that? I know what a bypass is but not really heard of a sleeve. The only problem he went on to tell me was that the hospital had no funding for surgery, i would need to go to Luton. Ok off to Luton i will go............
September 2008 Luton said excatly the same, Band bad, sleeve good. By this time my PCT had agreed to fund the removal of the sleeve, it was getting to the point where it wasn't working and would become dangerous to me. Have the band out and nothing in it's place.............. not bleedin likely. What size do you think i will end up at with nothing in there helping me?
So my battle began, applied to the PCT for surgery................ NO! Not big enough, no diabetes, no sleep apneoa, nothing no other medical problems apart from my cyst. My Gynea helped my case by writing to the PCT. He wants to take my ovaries out completley. No ovaries, no cysts. No ovaries, half the chance of developing breast cancer and as i am in a very high risk category of getting both breast and ovarian cancer then it would be daft not to go for it. Still a NO. Ok lets get the big guns out, contact the local MP. Write to the PCT. 7 pages of indepth notes referencing the NICE guidelines, Dr's letters, surely this has got to work this time. Wait, wait wait........................... October 2009 i find out. The PCT have agreed to fund the removal of the band and replace with a sleeve. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could be slimmer by summer :-) Whoooaaaa hold on a moment, it's never that simple.
Back to Luton. Assessments, dieticians, Phsyc appointments, whatever next? Next was 4 weeks of a milk diet, to prove that i was committed to losing weight, but still no date for my op. With resentment i did the diet, lost what they wanted me to, went back to see my surgeon and finally got my date. 18 August 2010
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