Well its been a while since i have posted anything, i'm usless at keeping things up to date. I guess that is why i never had a diary as a child.
It's been a busy couple of weeks. I went to London for the weekend with my friend, walked for miles and went to see Priscilla. I wore very high heels and for the first time in ages i wasn't tottering about in them, they were so comfy. i wanted to dance all night. Although that probably has something to do with having my photo take with Ben Richards......phwooooaaarrr!!! (Google him if you don't know him, you won't be disapointed)
As it was half term, hubby and i took a few days off and took the kids up to Blackpool to see the illuminations. They loved it and we all had a great time. I was brave enough and had a go on the Pepsi Max Big One!!!! Normally i shy away from these as i don't fit in the seats. But this time.............................. i fitted and the seatbelt went round me without cutting off my circulation whoooooooo hooooooooooooo
On the downside though it realy hit me after having this time away just what i have done to myself and how the rest of my life is going to be. My choices are very limited now, not with what i can eat but obviously how much. Hotel breakfast no longer consists of fresh fruit, yogurt and croissant but a spoonful of scrambled egg. I actually felt like crying and was quite depressed about it. but put it in perspective................... it's the beginning of November and i no longer wear sz 26 trouser, i'm finally in a 22, not been that size since 1987!!!!!!!! So is it really a hardship that i can only eat a few spoonfulls of food, that i waste so much, that sometimes i don't even bother to eat........................... nah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)
Wednesday 3 November 2010
Thursday 7 October 2010
Soooooo happy
Had my 6 week post op hospital appointment today. Although i'm 7 weeks, but hey who's counting!!!!!
The nurse appt was pointless, i've seen her before and we just don't get on, but I saw the surgeon and he said he didn't recognise me when i walked in whooo hooooo :-))) He was really pleased with what i have lost and told me i have lost more than he expects his bypass patients to lose. I love my sleeve xxxxxxxxxxxx
The nurse appt was pointless, i've seen her before and we just don't get on, but I saw the surgeon and he said he didn't recognise me when i walked in whooo hooooo :-))) He was really pleased with what i have lost and told me i have lost more than he expects his bypass patients to lose. I love my sleeve xxxxxxxxxxxx
Wednesday 29 September 2010
Big leap
Well i am back at work now after having 5 weeks off. It was lovely!!!!! I am pleased that i did have the extra time as i can see now i needed it. I started back with a 2 day week so i could have a break then back into the throng this week. Oh boy was i tired.
I am 6 weeks post op today. It's my 6 week anniversary and my total weightloss now is............ 48lb, that's 3 stone 6lb in English whooooooo hooooooooooo
I've been a busy bee loading all my big clothes on Ebay, and it's selling, good job too i need the dosh to replace them. I had a shopping trip to Cambridge on Sunday and it was so depressing. I'm in smaller sizes now but couldn't find anything. What i did find i didn't buy as it was niggling in the back of my mind that i would only be wearing it for a few weeks and what a waste of money. God, there's just no pleasing me is there!!!!!
I am 6 weeks post op today. It's my 6 week anniversary and my total weightloss now is............ 48lb, that's 3 stone 6lb in English whooooooo hooooooooooo
I've been a busy bee loading all my big clothes on Ebay, and it's selling, good job too i need the dosh to replace them. I had a shopping trip to Cambridge on Sunday and it was so depressing. I'm in smaller sizes now but couldn't find anything. What i did find i didn't buy as it was niggling in the back of my mind that i would only be wearing it for a few weeks and what a waste of money. God, there's just no pleasing me is there!!!!!
Wednesday 22 September 2010
Home sweet home
Well this is it, on my own now. Not literally. Mark is here with me and so are the kids as it's summer holidays. But it's up to me now to make the most of this.
All i want to do is sleep, i slept most of the way home and it's starting to hurt again. If i'm sleeping it doesn't hurt anymore, just let me sleep. Mark wakes me to force me to drink. I know he's doing the right thing but i don't quite agree at the moment. He makes me up a cocktail of lemon barley and soluable paracetamol, how delicious!!! It takes me about an hour and a half to drink the small glass full and by the time i get near the bottom some of the pain has gone, so i know he was right, just don't tell him that!
For the next couple of days i'm slow and taking things easy. Mark is feeding me teaspoons of soup, not literally feeding me but making sure i eat! There aren't enough hours in the day to eat and drink how on earth am i going to manage 3 pints?
At 6 days post op all i want and crave is anything cold, the colder the better. I think it's time to try ice cream, can't get much colder and it's on my list of foods i'm allowed. So here goes..... in the steaming depths of the freezer are mini magnums, well Sainsbury's version anyway. That will do. I break off all the chocolate, i'm not interested in the chocolate, just give me the ice cream. Yes you read that right, i didn't want chocolate, sooooooooo unlike me. Mmmm this is good, i take it slowly and after about 45 mins the whole thing has gone, that hit the spot............................ Hang on this doesn't feel right, quick out of my way i need the loo. I have never felt so ill in ages, i'm sitting on the loo (will spare the details) i'm sweating, shaking and generally feeling pants. I guess this is what 'Dumping Syndrome' is and boy i don't want to go through that again. I feel lousy for the rest of the afternoon and the whole evening, worse than i had done for days, all for the sake of a bloody ice cream and no chocolate!
I had one more episode of 'dumping' this time not at home. We had decided to have a family day out, go for a woodland walk etc. Poor kids spent nearly an hour waiting for me to come out of the loos. Me, i thought i was going to pass out or die. Either would have been preferable to the pains and sensations i was going through. Lesson learned, twice.
All i want to do is sleep, i slept most of the way home and it's starting to hurt again. If i'm sleeping it doesn't hurt anymore, just let me sleep. Mark wakes me to force me to drink. I know he's doing the right thing but i don't quite agree at the moment. He makes me up a cocktail of lemon barley and soluable paracetamol, how delicious!!! It takes me about an hour and a half to drink the small glass full and by the time i get near the bottom some of the pain has gone, so i know he was right, just don't tell him that!
For the next couple of days i'm slow and taking things easy. Mark is feeding me teaspoons of soup, not literally feeding me but making sure i eat! There aren't enough hours in the day to eat and drink how on earth am i going to manage 3 pints?
At 6 days post op all i want and crave is anything cold, the colder the better. I think it's time to try ice cream, can't get much colder and it's on my list of foods i'm allowed. So here goes..... in the steaming depths of the freezer are mini magnums, well Sainsbury's version anyway. That will do. I break off all the chocolate, i'm not interested in the chocolate, just give me the ice cream. Yes you read that right, i didn't want chocolate, sooooooooo unlike me. Mmmm this is good, i take it slowly and after about 45 mins the whole thing has gone, that hit the spot............................ Hang on this doesn't feel right, quick out of my way i need the loo. I have never felt so ill in ages, i'm sitting on the loo (will spare the details) i'm sweating, shaking and generally feeling pants. I guess this is what 'Dumping Syndrome' is and boy i don't want to go through that again. I feel lousy for the rest of the afternoon and the whole evening, worse than i had done for days, all for the sake of a bloody ice cream and no chocolate!
I had one more episode of 'dumping' this time not at home. We had decided to have a family day out, go for a woodland walk etc. Poor kids spent nearly an hour waiting for me to come out of the loos. Me, i thought i was going to pass out or die. Either would have been preferable to the pains and sensations i was going through. Lesson learned, twice.
Tuesday 21 September 2010
What have i done..........
Where am i? Ouch that hurts? What's going on? Who are you? Oh my sore throat!!! Yep i'm waking up. I glance up at the clock and it's gone 7pm, i went into theatre just after 2pm, where has all that time gone?
Oh no, i need a pee! Oh my god how am i going to do that, there are only male nurses around me. Shut my eyes go back to sleep and forget about it!
I'm being woken again and this time Mark is next to me, in recovery. What are you doing here? There's been a problem, there isn't a mattress for me on the ward. What!!! I've been here since 11am and now they realise there isn't a mattress for me!!!!!!!! Mark assures me he's sorted it. And he did......... most of the ward heard him sorting it out so i found out the next day!
It's no good I have to pee. Oh god a bedpan, how delightfull, but what a feeling.................... OMG it's blue. I'm peeing blue, i'm not royalty i've not got blue blood, but i have got blue pee. I guess this is the stuff they use for the leak test, just how much did they put into me?
About 9pm i can finally go down to the ward, a mattress has been hired so i now have a bed. With a hop skip and a jump i have to move over to my newly hired bed. How they expect you to do that when you've got wounds, drips and drains hanging out of you i really don't know.
I'm settled into my corner of the ward and hoping for a sleep.................WRONG! Every hour blood pressure, temperature checks, drugs and moaning women in the other beds meant sleep was one of the last things i was going to get.
In the early hours of the morning i need to pee again, it must be all the fluids they are pumping into me. The nurse goes off to fetch the commode, fractionally better than a bedpan, but only fractionally. I can't believe the size of this thing when it arrives, i nearly fall into the hole in the middle. I'm sure someone else could have sat on there with me.
The day staff arrive and i'm still bombarded with constant checks and drugs. The morphine is making me feel lousy so i'm trying to cope without it. One of the nurses asks me how i'm feeling and am i pleased i had it done. Right at that particular moment i couldn't have felt much worse........'ask me in a week' is all i could reply.
I wasn't discharged until the third day. I was finding every sip of water painfull, like razor blades and then someone decided that i should try to swallow paracetamol tablets. I don't think so! The surgery itself had taken a lot longer than had been anticipated. The band had cause problems with my stomach and it had thickened making it harder for them to create the sleeve. Just my luck!
Oh no, i need a pee! Oh my god how am i going to do that, there are only male nurses around me. Shut my eyes go back to sleep and forget about it!
I'm being woken again and this time Mark is next to me, in recovery. What are you doing here? There's been a problem, there isn't a mattress for me on the ward. What!!! I've been here since 11am and now they realise there isn't a mattress for me!!!!!!!! Mark assures me he's sorted it. And he did......... most of the ward heard him sorting it out so i found out the next day!
It's no good I have to pee. Oh god a bedpan, how delightfull, but what a feeling.................... OMG it's blue. I'm peeing blue, i'm not royalty i've not got blue blood, but i have got blue pee. I guess this is the stuff they use for the leak test, just how much did they put into me?
About 9pm i can finally go down to the ward, a mattress has been hired so i now have a bed. With a hop skip and a jump i have to move over to my newly hired bed. How they expect you to do that when you've got wounds, drips and drains hanging out of you i really don't know.
I'm settled into my corner of the ward and hoping for a sleep.................WRONG! Every hour blood pressure, temperature checks, drugs and moaning women in the other beds meant sleep was one of the last things i was going to get.
In the early hours of the morning i need to pee again, it must be all the fluids they are pumping into me. The nurse goes off to fetch the commode, fractionally better than a bedpan, but only fractionally. I can't believe the size of this thing when it arrives, i nearly fall into the hole in the middle. I'm sure someone else could have sat on there with me.
The day staff arrive and i'm still bombarded with constant checks and drugs. The morphine is making me feel lousy so i'm trying to cope without it. One of the nurses asks me how i'm feeling and am i pleased i had it done. Right at that particular moment i couldn't have felt much worse........'ask me in a week' is all i could reply.
I wasn't discharged until the third day. I was finding every sip of water painfull, like razor blades and then someone decided that i should try to swallow paracetamol tablets. I don't think so! The surgery itself had taken a lot longer than had been anticipated. The band had cause problems with my stomach and it had thickened making it harder for them to create the sleeve. Just my luck!
This is it.....
So D-Day has arrived. Kids are off to school, bags are packed and we're heading to sunny Luton.
The arrivals lounge is a long corridor type of a room, nursing staff at one end, chairs either side and double doors near the bottom leading to treatment rooms and day surgery. I sit with my bag by feet watching the other patients. It's amazing how people react to different things, you have the nervous ones watching every move (that's me!!!), those taking it all in their stride sitting back and waiting and the annoying ones that have bought 3 generations of their family with them. Why? What's the point?!
I'm called through into the treatment rooms. I knew it was my turn everyone hesitates when they go to call out my name. We go through the usual name, address, blood pressure, height, weight, do you know why you are here.............of course i bleeding do! Then it's time for the oh so fashionable theatre gown and delightful tight white stockings. The nurse fetches me a different gown saying 'i think they've got you a small one out, i'll get a bigger one'. This is going to be one of my goals, to fit into 'normal' size gowns in hospital!!! She fetches me what i can only describe as a 4 man tent. I mean no offence to some of you big guys out there, i honestly don't, but this gown was huge. Why do we have extremes tiny and won't meet in the middle or massive and go round at least twice?
On goes the dressing gown and back into the arrivals lounge. Mark by this time is starving and sneaks off to grab a bite to eat, at least he's being considerate and not eating a bacon sandwich in front of me. To tell you the truth i would have been to nervous to eat anything.
A theatre nurse appears at the door, no Mark!! Where's my phone, how does it work again?? Fingers and brain are not co-ordinating by now. 'Get your arse back here, they're coming for me!!' Just as Mark arrives back my name is called. This is it, it's my turn. I pick up my bag and we head to the lift, up we go to the Theatre floor. My palms are now getting clammy and although i'm not physically shaking it won't be long.
Details are checked, bags deposited in the lockers and now sit and wait again. I can't relax now, i just want it over. I'm excited and terrified all in one. My surgeon makes an appearance and goes through last minute details with me. He's happy with the weight i have lost on my milk diet, that's a good start.
My name is called for the final time and i head towards theatre. Mark clings onto me, kisses me and that's when the tears start to fall for both of us. I think he's more scared of me having this op than i am. One last kiss, hug and I love you and he's gone.
I lay back on the operating bed and now i do start to shake. There are people everywhere, one at my head, one putting a drip into my hand, a nurse talking to me. So much going on that i can't really focus on anything. The next thing i know is there is the sensation of the anaesthetic going into my veins and i want to cry..........it hurts!! 'Breathe deeply' i'm being told. I try to take deep breaths and feel my eyelids getting heavy. I just want to sleep..................
The arrivals lounge is a long corridor type of a room, nursing staff at one end, chairs either side and double doors near the bottom leading to treatment rooms and day surgery. I sit with my bag by feet watching the other patients. It's amazing how people react to different things, you have the nervous ones watching every move (that's me!!!), those taking it all in their stride sitting back and waiting and the annoying ones that have bought 3 generations of their family with them. Why? What's the point?!
I'm called through into the treatment rooms. I knew it was my turn everyone hesitates when they go to call out my name. We go through the usual name, address, blood pressure, height, weight, do you know why you are here.............of course i bleeding do! Then it's time for the oh so fashionable theatre gown and delightful tight white stockings. The nurse fetches me a different gown saying 'i think they've got you a small one out, i'll get a bigger one'. This is going to be one of my goals, to fit into 'normal' size gowns in hospital!!! She fetches me what i can only describe as a 4 man tent. I mean no offence to some of you big guys out there, i honestly don't, but this gown was huge. Why do we have extremes tiny and won't meet in the middle or massive and go round at least twice?
On goes the dressing gown and back into the arrivals lounge. Mark by this time is starving and sneaks off to grab a bite to eat, at least he's being considerate and not eating a bacon sandwich in front of me. To tell you the truth i would have been to nervous to eat anything.
A theatre nurse appears at the door, no Mark!! Where's my phone, how does it work again?? Fingers and brain are not co-ordinating by now. 'Get your arse back here, they're coming for me!!' Just as Mark arrives back my name is called. This is it, it's my turn. I pick up my bag and we head to the lift, up we go to the Theatre floor. My palms are now getting clammy and although i'm not physically shaking it won't be long.
Details are checked, bags deposited in the lockers and now sit and wait again. I can't relax now, i just want it over. I'm excited and terrified all in one. My surgeon makes an appearance and goes through last minute details with me. He's happy with the weight i have lost on my milk diet, that's a good start.
My name is called for the final time and i head towards theatre. Mark clings onto me, kisses me and that's when the tears start to fall for both of us. I think he's more scared of me having this op than i am. One last kiss, hug and I love you and he's gone.
I lay back on the operating bed and now i do start to shake. There are people everywhere, one at my head, one putting a drip into my hand, a nurse talking to me. So much going on that i can't really focus on anything. The next thing i know is there is the sensation of the anaesthetic going into my veins and i want to cry..........it hurts!! 'Breathe deeply' i'm being told. I try to take deep breaths and feel my eyelids getting heavy. I just want to sleep..................
Monday 20 September 2010
A date to work too
So finally i had a date to work too. A bit concerned that it will still be school holidays and a bit miffed to tell the truth that it wasn't sooner, but i've waited this long surely another 100+ days wouldn't hurt. Oh and they were marked as a countdown on the calendar, not in weeks but in days and it seemed like ages to get to it.
I set myself small milestones to get to. Away for the weekend in May (profile pic), Holiday to Spain in early July, son's birthday end of July, before i know it August will be here. And it was!
This time i wasn't scared of telling people what i was doing, obvioulsy i wasn't going to stand on the rooftops and shout it out for the neighbourhood to hear, but this time i was being positive. I'm not sure if having a failed band made that easier or not.
1st August arrives and it's time to start the pre-op milk diet. Oh joy!!!! I hate milk but i was instructed to drink 4 pints a day, 1 sugar free jelly and one bovril/oxo drink bleurrghhhh! I won't say i didn't cheat on this diet cos i did! I was very careful with what i cheated with though. I knew carbs would affect the liver so i sneaked the very odd piece of chicken or my saviour on the days when i really struggled was cold ice berg lettuce. Just to have something to crunch and chew on was devine. Mark took control in the kitchen, made all the meals, i wasn't even allowed to participate in the shopping. At meal times i would shut myself in a room, put the Wii on and do half an hour of Wii fit. It's hard dong a pre-op diet but at least you know there is an end to it and it did get easier as time went on. It took away all of my food choices. I couldn't have food so i didn't really crave it. I had set myself a goal of being under 19stone on my op day. I didn't quite make it 19stone 1lb (thats 267lbs). I got my daughter to take some photo's of me the day i started the diet so when i have lost some weight i can compare them.
I was looking forward to this, ovbiously i wasn't looking forward to having the op, any op scares me silly. I'm such a baby when it comes to pain. But this felt different and felt right. The days of being stared at in the street would be gone. The days of trying to find clothes that fit and look good on you would be gone. The times that people make exceptions for your weight but blame other things ('no it's ok i'll get in the back seat of the car' cos they don't think you will manage it). No more going into restaurants and sitting in the corner so people can't see you eat, even if it is a much smaller portion than your kids are having! Not walking past things and wondering 'will i fit through there?' And the most famous saying that we've all heard......... 'you've got such a pretty face'.......... just don't mention the rest of me!!!
I set myself small milestones to get to. Away for the weekend in May (profile pic), Holiday to Spain in early July, son's birthday end of July, before i know it August will be here. And it was!
This time i wasn't scared of telling people what i was doing, obvioulsy i wasn't going to stand on the rooftops and shout it out for the neighbourhood to hear, but this time i was being positive. I'm not sure if having a failed band made that easier or not.
1st August arrives and it's time to start the pre-op milk diet. Oh joy!!!! I hate milk but i was instructed to drink 4 pints a day, 1 sugar free jelly and one bovril/oxo drink bleurrghhhh! I won't say i didn't cheat on this diet cos i did! I was very careful with what i cheated with though. I knew carbs would affect the liver so i sneaked the very odd piece of chicken or my saviour on the days when i really struggled was cold ice berg lettuce. Just to have something to crunch and chew on was devine. Mark took control in the kitchen, made all the meals, i wasn't even allowed to participate in the shopping. At meal times i would shut myself in a room, put the Wii on and do half an hour of Wii fit. It's hard dong a pre-op diet but at least you know there is an end to it and it did get easier as time went on. It took away all of my food choices. I couldn't have food so i didn't really crave it. I had set myself a goal of being under 19stone on my op day. I didn't quite make it 19stone 1lb (thats 267lbs). I got my daughter to take some photo's of me the day i started the diet so when i have lost some weight i can compare them.
I was looking forward to this, ovbiously i wasn't looking forward to having the op, any op scares me silly. I'm such a baby when it comes to pain. But this felt different and felt right. The days of being stared at in the street would be gone. The days of trying to find clothes that fit and look good on you would be gone. The times that people make exceptions for your weight but blame other things ('no it's ok i'll get in the back seat of the car' cos they don't think you will manage it). No more going into restaurants and sitting in the corner so people can't see you eat, even if it is a much smaller portion than your kids are having! Not walking past things and wondering 'will i fit through there?' And the most famous saying that we've all heard......... 'you've got such a pretty face'.......... just don't mention the rest of me!!!
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